Dear Bearded Face,
When I was a little tiny child before I grew into a chubby adult, my mother had always played the song of my genotype in my ears. From an early age of seven, I already understood the information around my genotype. It wasn’t hard learning the lyrics, they were too simple to forget. I understood that I never should be involved with any male with the AS genotype for fear of conceiving a child with the SS genotype, commonly referred to as sickle cell anaemia. This warning was invisibly written around the house.
As the years visit and I wear the crown of a new age, I seldom wish I’m the opposite; maybe I shouldn’t have possessed mother’s “A” and daddy’s “S.” Every time I replay moments of friendship that should have led to relationships and possibly marriage, but it never turned out as desired only because of some genotype being same, I get confused on how to prove my sanity. It hurts me badly.
Before I turned 2o, I never really worried about my genotype. I wasn’t ready for a relationship and never loved a guy to a point of building a relationship tilted towards marriage. I was comfortable with male friends, I was concerned about friendships. No regrets!
From an early age, I always trusted that I would never end up with anyone with same genotype as myself. It’s been over two years since I stopped been twenty. Right now, I think my genotype is testing my patience.
On loving and growing in love, I get stuck. I encounter guys with the AS genotype (you know this). Sometimes, I get so sad I ask God “What did I do wrong in mummy’s womb?” lol.
Just recently, I got enchanted by love. I know I don’t easily “fall in love” but this time, it’s a different narrative. You swept me off my solid feet.
We are so gone in love. We have grown in love. We are drowning in love. Our love narrative is strange to me, I’m yet to fathom how I let down my walls for you and still feel safe. Like no other, you understand me. I know I get annoying sometimes, yet you just never go away.
The other day in the cold, we sat on the couch to talk about “the way forward.” I couldn’t control my cranky feeling because I never wanted to embrace the truth that “we wouldn’t be together else as friends only.”
When I told mama about you and this flourishing tree of love, she screamed “TAAAAAAAH.” That was her own way of disagreeing with this love. This will never work for us.
Every time I think about us, I wander in the wilderness of my thoughts. This love has refused to fade.
Why did genotype get in the way?
You were never unkind, in fact you may have been the sweetest and most honest guy I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. But that doesn’t change this circumstance.
Someday, you’ll meet a girl who’s “AA” and she’ll be shades of amazing like myself. I can’t wait until you find her and love her in the way she deserves and also until you get the same love in return. I always told you that you’re an epitome of love.
I’ll always miss you. I’ll hold on to the beautiful moments and cherish your love without regrets.
For now, I just need some time away from you to nurture my heart again. This is hard!
Thank you for showing me what it’s like to be loved.
The Girl Who Couldn’t Date You,